If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
