I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
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