guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
