Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
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