I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
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