The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
