That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
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