The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
Small penises have feelings too.
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
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