I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
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