hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
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