I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
Another day, another engagement, another cat
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
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