I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
Randomize
