I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
