He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Randomize
