Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
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