I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
I yelled at your uterus for you.
Randomize
