After last night, I could never be a politician.
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
Randomize
