You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
Ladies don't puke and tell
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