How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
Randomize
