making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
You did what with his pubic hair?
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