absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
Randomize
