you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
Randomize
