Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
Text me some of your sweat
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Randomize
