Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
Randomize
