Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
Randomize
