Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
Randomize
