question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
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