quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
Randomize
