I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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