dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
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