Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
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