Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
Randomize
