and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
