I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
He felt like a one man threesome
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
