I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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