Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
home. puking in laundry basket.
BROstal carolina. Watching a boy drinking rum and coke out of a cup of noodle empty cup.
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
Randomize
