i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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