I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
Randomize
