not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
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