There was a point where some of my friends attempted 'moi's', which stands for makeout on introduction.
It involved going up to women and very aggressively trying to make out with them upon meeting them
Surprisingly the success rate was exceedingly high
im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Randomize
