yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
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