Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
Randomize
