yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize
