I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
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