that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
3pm strippers are depressing
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
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