Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
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