smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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