He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
Randomize
