JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
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