i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
Randomize
