My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
well, you know. whores of a feather.
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
Randomize
