Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
We're hate flirting, damnit.
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