i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
