I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
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