I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
yeah, but that could mean anything in Denmark.
Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
