you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
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