Are we in a gay sports bar?
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
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