Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
Randomize
