I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
Randomize
