Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
Randomize
