What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Randomize
