Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
? is bags or t-bags slang for scrotum?
jesus mom
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
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