omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
Randomize
