My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
Randomize
