I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
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We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
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He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
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