6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
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