well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
Randomize
