carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
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