Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
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