I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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