I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
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