you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
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