i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
Randomize
